She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
