yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
