So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Don't EVER smell your tampon
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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