oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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