About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
