Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
