Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
