You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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