just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
