He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
