If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
