You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
