if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
