She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
