I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
