i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
