I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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