Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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