the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
