By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
