my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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