it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
