I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
