I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
