The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
What drink are we having for lunch?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
