New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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