I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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