Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
