i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
