i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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