the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
