just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
