WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my being single is dangerous.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
