I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
