I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
