she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
