I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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