I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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