my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
