She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
