It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
