Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
