If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
