just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Redeem this text for a blowjob
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
