do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
