How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
