1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
