Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
