so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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