Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
