Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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