It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
