I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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