i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
