I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
