It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
