i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
